Cooking Out

Cooked out last night. Chicken breasts. Very good; thank you.

Has taken me most of 30 years to perfect the chicken breast. Secret is in the tenderizing. That and the brand of chicken: Pilgrim’s Pride. “Hi, I’m Bo Pilgrim, and I just won’t sell a fat, yeller chicken.”

Grilling out, as in “outdoors,” whether one uses gas, charcoal or real wood, is a required skill for the American male. More important than working on your own car or playing a decent round of golf.

Trust me, men; you will seriously damage your reputation if you can’t talk the talk while standing around the grill with other guys. Required subjects include what kind of brisket to buy, how long to smoke it, at what temperature, and using what kind of wood.

And don’t even think about showing up for a cookout with ready-made hamburger patties. Real men hand-pack their burgers.

Guys are competitive about cooking out. Every so often, someone at AC (a woman) will ask several of us men to cook burgers at a school function.

Note to women: grilling burgers is NOT a team sport. Not for men. Sooner or later – usually sooner – the alpha male will take charge while the rest retreat a safe distance to critique his work. “Can’t believe he keeps turning them. Doesn’t he know you only flip once. Believe me, these are going to taste like hockey pucks.”

I like to cook on real wood: mesquite. Creates nice, hot coals, smells good, and makes it easy to keep other men away from the cooker.

“Yep, cooking on mesquite is tricky business. Better let me handle that fork.” 🙂